Sunday, March 20, 2011


Today is the Sunday, March 20, 2011. The very postweek before my actual due date having my very first child at almost 30 years old. I never felt so excited, nervous, anxious and bitchy at the same time. I been waiting for years since I been with my husband for us to have a child in which we thought becuase of my epilepsey medication and the doctors saying it can be risky precautions giving birth while on meds known to be dangerous towards a fetus in causing spinal abnormalities or other problems that since we stopped actually using protection that we weren't able and may have to one day adopt after some point one of us lucked out and got rich and famous lol. I been so happy and feeling of being so blessed to be given this chance for one of our own but at the same time it took a little turnaround at midpoint and now it's a week labor and delivery, I am starting to feel really panicky at the last minutes down to the watermelon drops lol. It's crazy to say it but I feel how probably a guy would feel getting ready to walk down a isle at the last second with some little jitters. I can't imagine really how my husband really feels I know he's been excited, but I sort of guess I thought his first reaction would be like how you see some goo goo gah gah guys in the movies. Well I guess that in reality love, babies, and marriage aren't exactly the same like in those olden movies, but i do believe in making the best of what you have and learn to be grateful in most cases. I guess that I fear the most being a single type mother. I always wished me and my dad's relationsship was closer and different and I always prayed to God that no matter who I married they would stand by me and the child for like in bettter or worse. I am a strong woman and am noticed for many things in my life that people tell me they admire me for and look up to me for, but this whole new thing of mommy is totally scary to me at the last second then it was at first. I give all my girls credit raising kids on their own much respect and admiration to you I just know i need my partner now more then ever. It's not just me now, it's three of us and me not being able to work for few months and help him out got me little chokey. I want my new little world, my daughter to be happy and healthy growing up, I want her to feel more higher then me, more on top of things and be proud that I'm her mom. I need to make sure she knows all her grandmother's, grandfather, aunts, uncles, and cousins. It gonna be a long battle for me to save save save so she can see and go back to visit her family member's back in Philadelphia and have all her birthday parties back there where she belongs to share in her special day with them too, so I plan on going to 5 month online college to get my degree in Medical Coding and Billing and try to work from home, make money for her investments to her future and health for a easier life then I had. Well, as mother's and father's around the world we can only do the best we can and pray for the best in them growing up. The biggest part of this that keeps playing in my mind in going in labor, the unknown of it and how it's gonna go work out for me and that I make it through safe and healthy recovery. Today I started getting more of th epre labor small signs such as the pieces little drop of the mucus plug I think it was started to slowly come down because last week I know I was 1 cm dilated now it's probably a 3, but I know more this Tuesday at the doctor's unless my water breaks tonight and she's ready. I wrote weeks ago on the calendar the prediction labor day for tomorrow, but we shall see. I hope if anyhting tomorrow night if she does decide to come through because me and the husband have a dinner date at "Red Lobster" for just the 2 of us for our last meal for the next 18-30 years, IMAO. Anyways Im'm out gotta start getting used to listening to "Mozart" for babies lol! WILL BE CONTINUED! CAROL_J POSTS